(Formerly Grim) Realities

Following the a trail of links to a book written by a formerly fat woman about her transition from obesity to size 2, I found a review on Amazon about said book. The woman who wrote the book essentially said that she ate less and exercised more. As an aside, let me say that it amazes me that variations on this theme continue to be published as it's really nothing new under the sun. At any rate, one of the women who reviewed it negatively essentially said that she didn't need to read a book to be told that exercising over an hour a day five days a week and eating half a sandwich for lunch would get her thin. As a related aside, let me say that it amazes me that people who purchase diet books continue to hope for a magic pill or formula that doesn't include eating less or exercising more to help them lose weight.

I'm on record as saying that I dislike the "eat less, exercise more" mantra, because it imparts no real useful information. It isn't about these acts. It's about teaching one how to go about being capable of these actions. If you can't explain how to get, and more importantly, stay there, then you really have nothing of value to offer anyone. Part of the reason I blog is that I record how I'm getting there. I'm only now coming to terms with conceptualizing how to stay there.

If a year or so ago when I first rolled up my sleeves and started to attempt to lose weight, someone had told me that I'd have to do the things I'm doing now, I'd have felt it was not only impossible in the short term, but definitely out of the question in the long term. The transition between what I did then and what I do now is quite large. For people who are very overweight (250 lbs. or heavier), I strongly believe that the slow road is the better path. I feel this because a super strict, fast route is not one which can be trodden successfully for the duration, and anyone who is very overweight likely needs to relearn how to eat and deal with their psychological issues in order to make sure they can maintain. The fast road is too dramatic and you are so mired in concentrating on the process that you don't pause to catch the scenery, which includes all of the mental crap that you're going to be chucking in the closet and ignoring until one day it is going to come out and yell "boo" at you and scare you back into your old eating habits.

Since I feel that I've got a fair amount of the mental part untangled, and the processes down fairly well, I've reached a few conclusions about the realities of living at a lower weight for the rest of my life. A year ago, these realities would be very grim for me because I think they would be things I couldn't conceptualize as being physically or emotionally possible for me. For people who are at the start of their efforts, especially those at a very high weight, offering up these realities only makes them feel more helpless and overwhelmed. I know I would have felt so had I been told that this would be the way I'd have to live the rest of my life.

I have felt for quite some time that I would have to monitor my calories for the rest of my life because my food compass is broken. What crystallized for me today was that there are certain patterns to eating that are pretty much going to be a forever thing now. These patterns are not ones that bother me in the least at this stage of the game, but conceptualizing them in this manner helps me understand why many overweight people feel they can never lose weight or, if they lose it, they can't keep it off.

If I don't want to regain weight, I realize that in terms of eating that:*

• I will always have to eat what would be considered child-size portions of things like sandwiches and carbohydrates.
• I will always eat about 2/3 to half the portions of proteins that many Americans consider appropriate depending on whether it is lean or fatty.
• I will always have to regard full-calorie treats and desserts in terms of having two or three bites or have them very infrequently.
• I will never be able to eat more than a half dozen nuts at once, and even then infrequently.
• I can never eat more than a palm full of salted snacks, and probably be limited to two or three pieces.
• All full fat dairy (cream, butter, sour cream, etc.) will have to be consumed by the tablespoon at most.
• I will never be able to eat more than a small quantity of cheese - likely no more than the size of one slice of pre-packaged cheese (which I don't eat, but I use that as a portion reference).
• The only food I will be able to eat in relative abundance will be plain vegetables.
• I will never be able to eat fruit as freely as I want.
• I will never be able to freely or regularly drink anything with calories including things like milk (even low-fat), lattes or juice.
• I will never be able to eat more than two small or one medium piece of pizza. I will never be able to eat something like a full slice of Costco pizza unless I skip a meal to accommodate it.
• I will never be able to eat a full large-size pastry and will only occasionally be able to eat a portion of one.
• I will never be able to eat until "stuffed" or "very full". At best, I'll be "full". "Pigging out" will never be a possibility.
• I will always pay a price for any "indulgence" that is used as a meal (like having a donut for breakfast) by having to deal with greater hunger for having spent the calories on something empty and not having consumed a large quantity of such foods.

I'm okay with all of these things... now. However, I would have seen these as so restrictive as to be impossible to live with before I went through this transition. Not only would I have chafed at the bit of getting so little pleasure from food, but I couldn't fathom feeling okay on so few calories everyday. I would only think about the gnawing hunger I'd believe I'd feel day-in and day-out for the rest of my life and decide that I'd rather stay fat than suffer for the duration of my existence.

One thing that I realize at this point in time is that a person who is substantially overweight and has been eating too much all of their lives (or for much of it) can't begin to understand that they can be comfortable with far, far less forever. This is not a failing on their part. It's simply impossible to relate to that possibility unless you've made substantial mental and physical changes over a long period of time. I couldn't understand that initially. I didn't know my body and mind would change enough to drop down to a different comfort level with portions and calories. I didn't know I wouldn't suffer terribly at this level of consumption. I didn't even necessarily internalize the idea fully until relatively recently.

That's not to say that everyone should make the transition that I have, nor that the method I have followed is for anyone but me. The way I see it is that you have a choice to make. You can feed your body like an 18-wheeler that needs a ton of fuel or you can feed it like a compact car. You get to drive around the type of body that you fuel, and the choice is entirely up to the individual. As long as one is happy with the choices one makes and the consequences do not trouble them, more power to you while you drive around whatever body you're pumping energy into.

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*I'm adding this comment because I don't want to be misunderstood about why I believe these things. These apply to me with my lifestyle choices. I realize that people who are willing to go to the gym and work their ass off or run miles per week to burn loads of calories can eat more, but I'm too old, weak, fragile, and busy to bust my ass exercising just so I can eat more. Also, frankly, I traveled down that road from ages 19-22 and it didn't serve me well in the long run. I believe that relying on food restriction for weight control is a more reliable approach in the long run as it does not require anything other than making certain choices. Exercising requires that you be well and uninjured, states which I cannot rely on.

My Plan: Stage 1 - Acclimate your body to less food.

Many people focus on the aspect of “will power” when trying to change their eating habits, but your body is accustomed to eating a certain amount of food. It's not about mustering up the mental power to withstand difficulty. It's about helping your body grow accustomed to changes.

Many of your organs expect you to follow the same level of consumption and offer them the same levels of energy and nutrients that you normally ingest. If you suddenly reduce your eating, you will have a strong physical response as your body will demand higher levels of food. This will radically increase the chances that you will fail in altering your habits.

In order to reduce the amount of discomfort that you will suffer from a reduction in calories and to ease the transition into changing your eating habits, it’s helpful to begin by gradually eating less rather than undergoing a radical alteration in habits. The first step in this process is to taper your consumption of both food and caloric liquids. In order to do this, try the following:

• When you drink beverages, choose a cup or glass that is slightly smaller than the one you have been using. If you drink 16 oz. of soda normally, scale back to 12. If you drink a large cup of coffee or tea, scale back to a medium size one.
• When you serve yourself food, put back or throw away two tablespoons (or two “bites”) compared to what your preferred serving size is.
  

It helps when you do this to use smaller dishes than normal. While it may seem silly, you do feel like you’re eating more when the food you consume takes up the entire plate and feel deprived if your plate has vast amounts of empty space. Use the saucers that came with your tea cups if you don’t have small plates. I tend to use several small dishes rather than one large plate. This caters to the psychology of eating and your perceptions of food quantities. You eat with your eyes more than your stomach in many cases. You need to give your mental image of "enough" food a chance to adjust as well as your body.

It also helps if you think about what you are eating carefully while you eat. That is, smell your food, feel the texture, and enjoy the taste. Be mindful of when you reach the point where you are simply eating for the sake of eating. You don’t have to stop eating if you stop enjoying the food, but you may find yourself wanting to stop at that point. Keep in mind that you are in control and can do whatever you want. This isn’t about deprivation, but about a slow change in how you approach and regard food. At the end of this process, food should be even more enjoyable than it is now, but you won’t have a guilty relationship with it.

Follow this plan for as long as you need to feel comfortable with scaled back portions (I did this for several weeks). Mainly, you want to follow it until you no longer have the sense that the reduced portions are “small” but feel that they are “normal”. If you feel comfortable, you can feel free to reduce the portions bit by bit until you are eating about two-thirds to half of what you were eating previously. Note that I'm assuming anyone interested in what I'm saying habitually overeats (as I did) and therefore any reduction in consumption will not result in malnourishment.

For meat or protein, you will want to aim for 3-5 oz. portions, eating larger portions of leaner meats like chicken and smaller ones of fattier meats like beef. For carbohydrates, chances are that half to one-third of what you were eating will serve you well. If you very much overeat carbs, especially refined ones like white bread, you may want to be at about 1/4 of what you usually ate. Vegetables are generally fine in any quantity that you can manage, but I wouldn't recommend increasing vegetable consumption to fill the space taken by other foods. The point is not to eat as much, but less in small increments.

This stage is to allow your body to physically grow used to less food in a way which is not dramatic or jarring. It will improve your chances of eating less later as the changes become more difficult. If you really attend to the experience of eating, you may find at this stage that it's hard to focus on the pleasurable sensations of food past a certain point. You may find that you actually grow bored or fatigued with thinking about how good a chocolate bar tastes and feels in your mouth and that you want to start eating it faster and more mindlessly. This is the point at which you are eating compulsively rather than for enjoyment and where you want to train yourself to stop eating foods which are for "fun" rather than nutrients.

You may also find it helpful at this stage to slowly alter your consumption of certain types of foods that are highly caloric in favor of calorie-reduced versions. For instance, if you drink regular sodas, switch to diet versions. If you have sugar in your coffee or tea, switch to an artificial sweetener. These changes are “crutches” to help you get along. Making too many changes or sacrifices early on will increase the chances that you will fail, and I found that changes like drinking diet soda haven't had any negative impact on my weight loss. These substitutions will reduce the number of calories you feed yourself without a sense of psychological deprivation.

In terms of binge eating or copious consumption of foods which you know are not good for you, it's helpful to begin a process which you will work on more later. This is learning to delay food-based gratification. When you strongly crave something and feel you aren't hungry and just want it for the pleasure, try to get yourself to wait 15 minutes to eat it. After you wait, if you still want it, eat a small amount of it. Give yourself just a few bites and really savor them. Wait another 15 minutes before you have more. If you want more after that, have a few more bites. Continue this process until you are satisfied. If you are able to wait 15 minutes and feel you can wait longer, try to extend the time by 5 minute increments. It's okay to give in and eat the food you want when the time is up. This is an exercise in learning to wait, not depriving yourself.

One point which many people recommend is to drink lots of water. While I do believe it is important to drink sufficient water, I don’t think it’s necessary to drink in copious quantities. One of the points of this stage is to reduce stomach capacity gradually (the stomach shrinks and expands based on the amount of everything you put in it, not just solid food). If you drink a lot of water (or other liquids), you will keep your stomach size large. Competitive eaters, who can eat many pounds of food at once, report that they stay trim, but keep their stomach capacity large by drinking lots and lots of liquids. If you overdo water or other beverages, you defeat the purpose of this stage. Drink water when you are thirsty. Drink small amounts throughout the day. Don’t drink too much at once or force yourself to drink water because you feel you should. I don't force-feed myself water, and it has not hindered my weight loss.

It is valuable at this stage to try and think over your eating habits and thoughts. Don’t consider them punitively or berate yourself internally for what or why you eat. Your goal is understanding yourself and how you deal with food, not to beat yourself up over your eating habits. In particular, every time you want to eat, consider the following when you want food:

1. Is my stomach empty or rumbling?
2. Do I want to eat because I’m bored and enjoy eating, or do I have a physical desire to eat?
3. What is the nature of true hunger for me? Some people feel hunger in the stomach, others feel it in the blood as sugar levels drop. Whatever you feel as “true hunger” for you is real. This is not about invalidating your feelings about what you need.
4. Do I extract pleasure from the mere act of putting food in my mouth and swallowing it as opposed to the taste, smell and texture of food? Is my eating a compulsive act rather than an act of pleasure from food?
5. Do I derive comfort from eating when I am emotional (either happy or upset)? Note that I don't suggest removing this type of comfort eating at this stage, but being aware of it, and trying to reduce the amount of food you eat during such emotional eating. You can't abandon all unhealthy habits simply because you recognize them. You have to slowly build coping mechanisms and mental barriers that will replace food when you are in distress.
   
6. Do I eat all of some foods until there is no more left? If so, why don't I eat part of it and put the rest away for later?
7. Do I eat food because I don't want to "waste" it? Is my health less valuable than some wasted food?
   

Everyone has different answers and there are no “wrong” or “bad” ones. It does help to explore your relationship with food to consider these issues. Whatever the answers are, don't feel bad about them, just understand them.