During the holidays, I was given a big portion of a cake from a work-related associate. The entire amount of cake would probably be two somewhat large portions or three smallish portions. I gave myself a portion equivalent to a quarter of the entire amount of cake. The cake was divine in texture, taste, and smell. It was definitely one of the best bits of cake that I ever had.
I had about 5 bites of cake in my portion, since I eat relatively small bites. I do this because my mouth is small and I can’t eat a lot at once. I ate my small piece and experienced something that I cannot recall having experienced in my memory, and certainly not as an adult. I thoroughly enjoyed the cake and finished my piece, but I had absolutely no desire to have more. It wasn’t that I was full, as these days I’m rarely truly full. Besides, I’ve been full before and followed up quite imprudently on a desire to eat more (especially when it came to dessert) when I had had quite enough. Fullness never put me off of eating more of something that tasted good.
For the first time in memory, I really enjoyed something, but didn’t want more at all. I had the experience and enjoyed it, and that was “enough”. I don’t think I can recall having “enough” when it comes to food I really enjoy short of having extreme stomach discomfort that forced me to stop, or running out of food. It’s the sort of impulse that tends to make people who are overweight have issues leaving a bag of cookies or chips unfinished. They just keep going back for more at every opportunity until it’s gone. I remember that impulse with perfect clarity as it’s a battle I’ve fought again and again and lost throughout most of my adult life.
Not wanting to go back and eat more of that extremely tasty cake was such a profoundly different experience, that I took note of how the absence of desire felt. I wondered if it was going to happen the next night when I had another small portion of the cake as a holiday treat. I wondered if this was a fluke, or if it was the culmination of the conditioning I’ve been doing on myself for the past six months.
The next night, I had the same experience. I had a small piece of cake and again had no desire to tunnel back into the fridge and nibble at more. Maybe it’s the cake, but I doubt it. I think there has been some sort of shift in my relationship with food as a result of the behavioral changes I’ve made.
I can’t say that I believe it’s going to happen every time, nor can I say I believe it will last forever or happen every time I eat some really delicious food. I don’t even know exactly what actions I've taken which has led to this change, but I have a feeling that it's related to actively tasting food that I eat for pleasure and not denying myself anything that I want to eat. All I know is that it felt good. It felt as if I had a sickness that has been plaguing me all of my life and suddenly I wasn't suffering its effects. It was like a tremendous psychological burden had been lifted, if only for a short time.
Showing posts with label sweets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sweets. Show all posts
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Indulgence
I may be conveying the notion that I've turned into some sort of food saint. If that is so, I've been misinforming you. While I'm not scarfing down fries, inhaling pies, or downing milkshakes, I do indulge. In fact, relatively speaking, I indulge regularly. This is part of my intended pattern for ultimate success.
The first few weeks that I decided to start working on my problem, I didn't touch anything bad so that I could break the blood-sugar-induced cravings. Once that was broken, I was able to add back in some little indulgences when I wanted them. I'll admit right now that I want them more days than not. One of the things I do to stop any sense of deprivation is to allow small portions of food that are purely for the sensory enjoyment. I realize that, for many people, such indulgence may represent a slippery slope. I'm not suggesting at all that other people should do what I do.
In the previous post, I talked about being psychologically "ready" to enter this state of change. The only reason I think I can manage to indulge a little is that I'm in this state of readiness. It's a little difficult to explain because its a personal mental process, but it relates to being in a head space where your motivation to lose weight is greater than your motivation to extract comfort and pleasure from eating. If you're like me, you get a lot of both of those things from food, whether you like it or not.
In this state, I find that I feel very satisfied with small, controlled portions of things like 100-calorie packs of sweets. One of my favorites is the York peppermint wafer bars. I am utterly in love with wafers because of the texture and these bring good texture, sweetness, chocolate, and mint (which actually helps curb appetite) to the mix. I have one of these when I want something sweet and feel that I've been careful enough to allow that extra 100 calories into the day's menu. I also drink sugar-free hot cocoa from a mix. That tends to be my fall-back at times when I know I shouldn't have something, but really want it. It's only 50 calories and it is more filling because it is a warm liquid. And frankly, I do indulge in other types of treats, but only in very small portions. Generally speaking, I check the calories and don't allow myself more than 100 calories on a given day.
A lot of people feel that the whole 100-calorie pack trend is pointless because people can't control themselves. I think this is definitely true for a lot of people and it was absolutely true for me up until 2 months ago when I made the mental change. The important thing is to know which foods are going to take away your control and avoid them. If you adore ice cream (and I do), but you know that one spoonful is likely to spur on the consumption of 20 more, you shouldn't have it in your house and you shouldn't keep it on hand as an indulgence. An indulgence should be satisfying, but not enough to wrestle control from you.
The thing is though that I don't want to live life now on some sort of highly rigid, spartan diet knowing that I will eventually reach a goal and then start to indulge again. Part of allowing some of these foods in now is training for having control over my consumption of them in the future. Part of it is also, frankly, not being driven out of my mind by what I can't have. I realize, of course, that everyone's mileage varies.
The first few weeks that I decided to start working on my problem, I didn't touch anything bad so that I could break the blood-sugar-induced cravings. Once that was broken, I was able to add back in some little indulgences when I wanted them. I'll admit right now that I want them more days than not. One of the things I do to stop any sense of deprivation is to allow small portions of food that are purely for the sensory enjoyment. I realize that, for many people, such indulgence may represent a slippery slope. I'm not suggesting at all that other people should do what I do.
In the previous post, I talked about being psychologically "ready" to enter this state of change. The only reason I think I can manage to indulge a little is that I'm in this state of readiness. It's a little difficult to explain because its a personal mental process, but it relates to being in a head space where your motivation to lose weight is greater than your motivation to extract comfort and pleasure from eating. If you're like me, you get a lot of both of those things from food, whether you like it or not.
In this state, I find that I feel very satisfied with small, controlled portions of things like 100-calorie packs of sweets. One of my favorites is the York peppermint wafer bars. I am utterly in love with wafers because of the texture and these bring good texture, sweetness, chocolate, and mint (which actually helps curb appetite) to the mix. I have one of these when I want something sweet and feel that I've been careful enough to allow that extra 100 calories into the day's menu. I also drink sugar-free hot cocoa from a mix. That tends to be my fall-back at times when I know I shouldn't have something, but really want it. It's only 50 calories and it is more filling because it is a warm liquid. And frankly, I do indulge in other types of treats, but only in very small portions. Generally speaking, I check the calories and don't allow myself more than 100 calories on a given day.
A lot of people feel that the whole 100-calorie pack trend is pointless because people can't control themselves. I think this is definitely true for a lot of people and it was absolutely true for me up until 2 months ago when I made the mental change. The important thing is to know which foods are going to take away your control and avoid them. If you adore ice cream (and I do), but you know that one spoonful is likely to spur on the consumption of 20 more, you shouldn't have it in your house and you shouldn't keep it on hand as an indulgence. An indulgence should be satisfying, but not enough to wrestle control from you.
The thing is though that I don't want to live life now on some sort of highly rigid, spartan diet knowing that I will eventually reach a goal and then start to indulge again. Part of allowing some of these foods in now is training for having control over my consumption of them in the future. Part of it is also, frankly, not being driven out of my mind by what I can't have. I realize, of course, that everyone's mileage varies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)