The "C" Word

My sister told me today that she has cancer markers in her blood, so I can no longer live in the fantasy that her tumor may be benign. A successful tissue sample for a biopsy to determine if it is cervical or ovarian cancer has not been completed. I suspect some of the issues may be related to her weight, but I do not know. My sister and I talk about many things, but her weight and up until the last three years, mine, were always the elephants in the room. She pretends her weight isn't a factor in her life, and I never address it.

As I said before, I strongly suspect she avoided routine screening because of her body size (as that was the reason I avoided it and many women do as well). I could be furious that the world encourages morbidly obese women to put their heads in the sand with their behavior, but there's no point in directing my energy so uselessly. My energy is directed toward my sister's well-being, supporting her, and understanding that things just happen. I don't have a need to "blame" anyone or anything. This is what it is, and I hope that she is going to be okay at the end of all of this.

Not everything is about weight in my life, but this thing may be about hers. I wish that I could help her more, or had helped her better, but I know each person has to help themselves. I don't even look back on the last 6 months or so when I advised her to get a gynecological exam and be checked for uterine tumors and think, "I was right" or "I told you so." I really don't. I just see this as a part of a pattern that many fat women are in and the way life works. It's sad. I'm sad, but I'm not mad. I just hope, again, that she doesn't pay a huge or the ultimate price for waiting. Right now, I just love her and appreciate her without any dialogue about "could have been/done" or "should have been/done."