Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Memory I'd Like to Repeat

I have a specific memory of something that happened to me when I had lost an appreciable amount of weight for the first time. I had probably lost about 150 lbs. and looking dramatically different (better), about a year out of college. Most people who knew me had seen the slow process of losing all of that weight, but people who graduated ahead of me in college did not see the transition (which occurred in the final year of college).

I had a friend from college who hadn't seen me during the time period when I had lost most of the weight and we met up at my house after a long absence from one another. When I opened the door and she saw me for the first time, her eyes were as wide as saucers and she ran up and hugged me. Her reaction was so positive and the experience so profound that I have never forgotten that moment.

This particular friend had her own weight issues. She wasn't anywhere near as fat as me, but she probably carried about 20-30 extra pounds and was shorter than I so it had a more profound effect on her appearance. After I lost all of that weight, she soon started to seriously try and lose weight herself and had success for a time. She was one of those people who, while I'm sure she was happy for me initially, started to feel bad about herself because she no longer could look at me and feel better about herself.

I know that last sentence sounds very cynical, but I have a reason for feeling that way. I got back in contact with her some years later, and she asked me if I had gained the weight back or not. Asking this question in and of itself seemed a bit rude, but we did know each other pretty well for a time. I lied and said that I had not because I didn't want to admit it. Her response was a tepid positive one which clearly conveyed her disappointment.

At any rate, I am anxious to one day relive the moment when she walked through that door and saw my transformation. I want someone who hasn't seen me for awhile to regard me with the same awe that she did after a few years apart. I'm not sure if there is someone who might be in the same situation (knowing me at my fattest and being away from me for a long while such that there will be a dramatic difference), but I'd like that sort of memory to add to the collection of good weight loss memories.