Thursday, October 1, 2009

Thursday: October 1, 2009

One of the hardest points about being very overweight and working on dealing with your problem is that progress seems so tiny. If you weigh over 300 lbs, losing 1 lb. is such a drop in the bucket as a percentage of your body weight that you don't feel like you're getting anywhere. These last few days, I've had the distinct sense of moving at a snail's pace.

I want to feel better and look better, but I don't feel like I'm getting far on either of those fronts. I've been at this relatively informally since around mid-June and more formally since mid-July and I've definitely made very noticeable progress. However, I don't really feel any better about how I look and that's because I still look very, very fat. I'm not even sure if anyone other than my husband and I can tell that the tires around my body have deflated somewhat and that my flab is less bulgy.

Though I find this disheartening, I don't find it discouraging. As I've mentioned before, I'm not itching to go back to eating more or indulging in foods I am currently avoiding. I feel like a marathon runner who is anxious to get to the finish line but knows she's only halfway through the first mile. The process isn't troubling me so much as the distance from the goal. Also, and I haven't mentioned this before because it's more revealing than I wanted to put out there when I started this blog, but I have a deadline. There is a major life change in my future and I don't want to go into it at this weight. The change will require me to find a new job and I feel that I cannot find a new employer at my current weight.

Getting to Thursday, I had a pretty good day of it with a total around 1450. My main problem was that I'd planned ground pork burgers (thoroughly mixed with vegetables as part of their composition) for dinner and hoped more fat would drain off of the burgers as they cooked than did. I may have underestimated the calories on the burger, but I tried to make a good guess of it. The burger was pretty small. Nutrition-wise though, I did very well with oatmeal for breakfast, a chef's salad for lunch, a banana smoothie and tomato soup for snacks, and the previously mentioned burger with broccoli and a baked potato for dinner. Even if I vastly underestimated, my total still wouldn't be too bad.