After yesterday's frightening experience, I was determined to get a day under my belt which restored my confidence in my control, and I'm happy to say that I did. I ate between 1400-1500 calories, which was a bit below my target of 1600 or so. I didn't eat less as compensation for the strange binge eating episode, but rather because I was very wary of acting on my hunger all day and delayed eating for every meal after breakfast. I probably ate lunch 90 minutes later than usual, and dinner about two and a half hours later than usual because I felt really weird about food in general all day.
I have asked my husband to inquire about my food progress every day until I ask him to stop. This is, in part, to help me feel more secure and accountable, but it will also engage him in my life to a larger extent. He said he will do as I ask (and he did so yesterday both at lunch time and when he got home from work), but he has confidence that I will be able to keep my control. He also told me that he feels bad about whatever part he played in the situation, but I reassured him that he was in no way responsible.
One of the interesting aspects of having one "bad day" (and I mean from the psychological point of view, not from the "I ate bad food viewpoint") is that generally all it takes to make you feel better is a "good day" (a day in control) to restore your faith in your ability to carry on. I feel much better today than yesterday, though I think I'll feel even better tomorrow with a few "good days" under my belt.
2 comments:
I am glad that you are back on track without feeling guilt or other negative emotions. It saddened me to read that you have no support network other than your husband. I hope you can develop a few relationships based on the wonderful person that is "you" that can offer more support.
Hi, Karen, and thank you for your kind comment. I live in a foreign country where weight problems are quite rare, and those at the severity level of mine are nearly non-existent. There are literally no people who can relate to what I'm going through and most take a very pejorative view of anyone who is fat. I'm culturally isolated and there is almost zero chance of developing relationships which would yield support in this endeavor. My circumstances are highly unique.
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