Saturday, November 21, 2009

Sometimes...

I just want to crawl in a hole and hide from all of the torment I face every time I step outside my front door.

But, it's really not a whole lot safer here (on the internet).

6 comments:

thegetfitgirl said...

I hope you're feeling better.. and I hope all the posts on 3fc didn't get you too upset. They obviously took what you said in the wrong way & reacted horribly. I would've been upset too. :( I def. don't want you to leave the site, but I understand & hope that I can support you through here.

I love your blog & am following! Can't wait to read more :).

Anna said...

I'm so sorry the comments turned out the way they did on the forum. I didn't see anything offensive about your post and thought the ones who thought your post was offensive were actually the rude ones!

I hope it doesn't deter you from continuing on in your weight loss journey. It seems from previous posts that you have accomplished a lot already!

screaming fatgirl said...

Thanks for the kind and supportive comments. I really appreciate it!

I'm not deterred from continuing to lose weight, but I am pretty much finished with seeking any support. I was hesitant to "put myself out there" by posting about an upsetting personal experience (as opposed to commenting on other people's threads) and getting such a negative response on my first attempt validated my fears and concerns a little too roundly.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a sensitive person, but that's what has come from a lifetime of being attacked, degraded and treated as less than human because of my weight. It's an issue I'll have to continue to deal with, but I'm not giving up.

Thanks again to both of you for your kindness.

dlamb said...

Oh wow! Old wounds but I am guessing lasting ones. They were for me! Well, in this case, let me share my experience:
During one of my weight loss attempts, which took place in 2004, I connected with some of the women on the WLS thread on that same site. I had hit my highest weight of 230 and was pretty desperate but I did not think that I would even consider WLS.

The reason for the connection was that I got to know one of the more popular members who had a son who had been Dx. with Asperger Syndrome. She had a sister who had WLS and the group was quite nice, had a sense of humor, was supportive and not everyone who participated had WLS. Most days the topic of wt. loss did not even come up.
Given how distressed I was about my wt. and inability to get it under control and reading about the type of eating these (post) WLS women were doing, I thought I should try to EAT LIKE THEM, without actually having the surgery.
Without dragging this story out too much, I was threatened with banishment from the site, by the administrators who warned, me at first by way of e-mail, that I should not be discussing "unhealthy diets". The site did not "support unhealthy diets" and if I continued to discuss the way I was eating I would be banned. Being a weight loss site member and not being allowed to talk about eating/food/loss, seemed bizarre. I was not SUGGESTING that anyone else should follow my diet. I was not advocating starving oneself. I honestly could not understand why, as long as one's system had been surgically altered it was ok to talk about what and how eating took place but if I was not, it was verboten.

Well, we parted ways by mutual consent. I ended up doing what I planned and lost over 100# in about 6-7 months. Many years passed and I had regained about 70 of those pounds when I decided to return to the site. This was Sept. of 2011 and the situation there was completely different. It was several women who were "senior members" who saved me by suggesting the once a day eating, which was "in vogue" in some circles and it addressed the issue of food obsessions as well as all day starvation despite the consumption of "normal" amounts of calories . I believe that this may not have been "allowed" in 2004.
The reason I left this time? The site had started to allow advertisements, which was absolutely fine with me, however, I was struggling every minute of every day to beat my food addiction and my binge behavior. Right there, on the margin, there was a company that was flashing, I kid you not, huge, vibrantly colored, alternating pictures of Tiramisu and Chocolate Fudge Cake.
I contacted one of the site managers and shared my difficulty and inability to block out these pictures. She was surprised, horrified and incredulous that such a thing could happen. She had absolutely no idea that these pictures were being flashed, like food porn, to the struggling "masses". Two weeks later they were still there but I was not. The expectations of what was acceptable had changed in may ways, some for the better, others for the ...intolerable.

screaming fatgirl said...

I've never participated in a WLS forum, but I do know that they can be very protective of their way of doing things and highly critical of deviations. You are right that it seems odd that it's okay to eat 400 calories a day after surgery, but not without the surgery. Some part of me wonders if the very notion upsets people because they may feel insecure about their self-control if they hear about you managing without the smaller stomach capacity. It could also simply be that they believe they are under a doctor's guidance while undergoing extreme changes to their diet (and receiving supplements - though I imagine with research, you could take the same ones).

Sometimes, I have a curiosity about such forums, but I think that all too often they come across as a bit disordered. The tone and content of them changes through time (3FC is a good example as it used to be full of relatively over-zealous people who practiced much "tough love", but has since really mellowed out and seems to be filled with more reasonable and supportive voices).

dlamb said...

Yes, exactly what I thought too when I decided to return to the site in Sept. They may have been fearful that the independent manner in which I planned to do this, may lead to medical problems.
I had not only done the research and thank you so much for giving me credit for that. I did not receive the same consideration from the webmasters of 3fc.


Ultimately, I was glad I returned in Sept. of 2011. Not only did I get the support for the once a day eating that helped me at that time with exactly what I needed then, but I made a good friend with whom I communicate by e-mail but also, I saw Lyn's link to her blog and had my epiphany about the reason I was bingeing by reading it. In addition, Lyn's blog led me to a blog owner? writer? or two for whom I have developed an inordinate amount of respect and even affection, as I did for Lyn, the subject of my unpopular behavior and my decision to refrain from commenting anymore, with the exception of your blog and Lyn's (@Escape from Obesity).