One day my husband and I were lying on the sofa together watching T.V. My husband's was in front of me and leaning back against me. He kept shifting around. I asked him what the problem was. He said that he was having trouble getting comfortable, but thought it would help if I moved the pillow that was behind him. That "pillow" was my belly fat.
If you're obese, you know about the "belly apron". This is the blob of flesh that hangs down in front of your genitals. When Roseanne (the comedienne from the television show) was still fairly fat, she was criticized for having plastic surgery on her stomach and breasts. She said that the reason she did it was that she'd lost about 75 lbs. and her stomach still hung down over her genitals and her then-husband Tom Arnold mocked and derided her for it. She had the surgery to get rid of the dreaded belly apron.
Since I've been very fat most of my life, my belly apron has been with me since junior high school. One of the crueler kids once asked me in the locker room after gym class if I had pubic hair because I was so fat that she couldn't see if I had any or not. If I hadn't been so humiliated, I might have asked her why such a thing was of interest to her, but I just wanted to run and hide.
One thing I can certainly attest to is the endurance of a belly apron even after one has shed considerable weight. Mine endured during my previous weight huge weight loss, and is currently the last thing to shrink during my current weight loss. I can lose inches on my chest, waist, legs, and arms, but that apron has always just hung there making me hate my body and making certain aspects of hygiene more cumbersome. It also, frankly, is a serious problem when having sex.
I have reconciled myself to the fact that, even if I lose all the weight I want, that skin is still going to be with me. When I lost weight before, the fact, that it was still there never allowed me to feel good about my body. It completely distorted my impressions of how I looked, even though it had gotten a lot smaller and less unattractive. I think the only way I'm ever going to escape it is with surgery, and I can't afford that. It's disheartening to know that, no matter how hard I try, that disgusting belly apron is going to be there one way or another.
