Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thursday: August 20, 2009

One of the problems with not counting calories everyday is that you can easily lose sight of how much you're eating. This past week, I've felt like I've been eating too much every day, though I honestly have not been indulging or eating a lot. I've just simply felt an acute lack of a feeling of taxing deprivation. Maybe I have adjusted, or maybe I've had a few too many experiences where I went for a (healthy) snack when I should have avoided having one. At any rate, I felt like Thursday would be a welcome "reset" point where I'd try to steer myself back to a point of a better sense of control.

One of the reasons I've felt a little more "indulgent" (for lack of a better word) this week is that I've been sick with a cold. In the past, I've often taken the misery I've felt while sick as an excuse to indulge, particularly with ice cream. I'd feel that feeling bad meant I had earned the right to dive in and enjoy things that made me feel much better. More often than not, eating too much of things like ice cream and chips tended to just make me feel worse. That wasn't so much because of guilt, but because too much junk food will have that effect on a person.

Since I have a history of surrendering all control when I'm sick because I really don't have the energy to resist, I think I've probably been less involved in consciously stopping myself from eating. Rather than ask "why am I going to eat this?", I ask, "why not?" In the end, I would tell myself that I could "afford" that extra snack as it wasn't too bad for me and I'd been pretty well-behaved on the food front all day. I'm guessing that, while this hasn't set me back any, it has retarded my progress.

Since I entered this Thursday with a strong motivation to get back on track, I planned it pretty carefully and forced myself to ride out some pretty intense hunger pangs. The good start to the day began with putting 5 hours between breakfast and lunch, and breakfast was yogurt and fruit again so this was a struggle. The 200 calories from breakfast were certainly not enough to satisfy my body for that many hours, but I soldiered through by distracting myself with work. I wanted to add in a bit of exercise, but still didn't feel very well and couldn't manage the energy to get to it.

From a resisting the urge to eat viewpoint, this was one mighty tough day. By dinner time, my mind and stomach were screaming in my ear and I was overwhelmed with hunger pangs, but I kept beating them back mentally. It was really rough, but today's total came in at 1192, so I can say that it was a complete success.