Saturday, September 12, 2009

Saturday: September 12, 2009

This was my first calorie-counting Saturday on the new plan where I count two days at 1400 instead of one at 1200, and it went pretty smoothly. I did notice, again, that I did a pretty poor job of getting fruit and vegetables into the day, though I did make a rice and chicken dish which was loaded up with green peppers, onions, and tomatoes for dinner. That wasn't much, but it was something. Though my total number for the day was 1345 (which was good as I only felt seriously hungry and taxed to avoid eating once), I'm not happy that that included a whole wheat scone, whole wheat pasta, rice, and rice crackers. I have to do better on these days for nutritional balance. I should note that none of this is processed food. All of it is made by me so at least I'm not consuming Lean Cuisine out of plastic trays.

I've noticed lately that I can feel my collarbones much more easily than before and generally the top of my chest is less spongy. This is continuing the trend where I lose weight much more rapidly above the waist than below. When I'm not retaining water, I've also notice my wrists are getting even smaller. These are encouraging signs, but the road ahead is still long and I have to be patient. I continue to be discouraged about weight loss in my belly and behind, but since those have always been with me, I have to have low expectations.

I've noticed that the more "solid" the fat in an area feels, the longer it takes to dissipate. I'm guessing these are the oldest and most concentrated areas with fat cells, and the areas the least likely to ever disappear entirely. This is something I'm reconciling myself to, and I'm never going to be some super shapely woman, at least not without the use of girdles to reshape certain areas. I'm okay with that. I just want to feel better and not be disadvantaged or feel socially anxious because of my weight.

One thing I do feel good about is that I have no sense of "waiting out" a diet and wanting to "start eating for real" when I'm "done". I am impatient to feel healthier and more confident. I would like to reach my goal in months instead of years, but I'm becoming acclimated to the idea that this is what life is going to be like from now on - small portions, fighting my impulses and desires to eat, and failing sometimes. Right now, "failure" is measured on a very small scale though. It's essentially becoming so ravenous that I eat about 200-400 calories of a snack (usually cheese, rice crackers, or fruit) that I wish I hadn't given in on. Such "failures" are less frequent now than they used to be, and also smaller.

As much as losing weight is a success, the greater one right now feels like the psychological acclimation to the process and the overall "feel" I'm developing for how to eat properly (both in portion and food choice). I'm convinced that this is the best path for me both now and in the future.